You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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