I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
