oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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