I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
