the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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