went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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