everyone is single if you try hard enough
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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