and you said cock pushups were impossible
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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