so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
