i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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