people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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