Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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