If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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