I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
