I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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