The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
