3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
