Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
someone owes me an orgasm
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Houston, we have a blender
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
