I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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