I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
