I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
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apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
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The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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