Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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