You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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