I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
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That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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