fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
