i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
