I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
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