Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
