I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
