What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
