Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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