If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just had sex on a roof
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
