My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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