the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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