there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
