watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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