omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
