Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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