is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
