DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
