what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
