I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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