A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
