Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
