spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
