just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
