There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
