Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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