Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
