I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was like getting head from an anaconda
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
