So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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