he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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