I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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