I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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