I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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