Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
