I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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