you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
