I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
