I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
