we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
