maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize