ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize