i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
